I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
