Pappa wants mamma naked
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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