i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
