Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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