I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
