So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
