fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
