Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
