Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
