She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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