The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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