I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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