Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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