dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
