what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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