I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
