The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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