He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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