youre lurking in front of me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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