What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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