obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
