Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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