oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
