i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
