When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
