What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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