I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
