Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
