whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
