I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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