I hate your face
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
