The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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