After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
