I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
