I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
