He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
