just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
