I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
