What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
