Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
