I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
