Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
