I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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