He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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