i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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