Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
