I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
