it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
