You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
