I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
