I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
