just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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